Hello 2017

2016 has finally ended (finally) and now it's time for a fresh start. I've been looking at old photos and trying to remember all of the good stuff that has happened in the pile of garbage that was the past year. I posted a whole sappy caption on my personal Instagram (x) and then I started thinking... What are my plans for this year? I haven't thought about it at all; I didn't even think 2016 was ever going to be over. However, I think I have some goals.

First I want to look at my 2016 Best Nine from my nail Instagram (x)

Apparently I only posted 19 photos this year yikes. Sorry that that happened I kind of feel bad about it. I really love my blog and I want to do A LOT more with it. I'll talk about that in a second though because next I want to restate my goals for 2016 that I wrote.

Goals for 2016

1.      Study: I slacked off this first semester with my school work and I think I could have done better. I really want to try this semester and next fall semester to work my hardest and get where I want to be.

2.       Drink more water: I am dehydrated dude for real

3.       Speak my mind: I don’t speak my thoughts enough. Whether that is updating my blog and YouTube or just in my everyday life, I keep things bottled up too much. It gets hard sometimes and I want to be more open. I have a lot of things I’d like to say, and I want to work up the courage to do that.

4.       Be healthy: I want to eat better and exercise, as always, but I also want to be mentally healthy. I haven’t been my best and I want to get better. I want to find my purpose again and be happy. That’s all I really want for this year actually. Screw the rest of this list; this is the most important thing to me right now. I don’t think I’ll make it through this list at all if I don’t do that.

So... hehe.... I didn't actually do any of these... ehem. I mean I tried to study, but my classes were so hard and this fall was my first semester working and doing school. I had 15 credit hours and like 29 work hours a week, but I managed to pass all my classes and I even got an A+ in speech. I didn't fix my water or eating habits, but I have to admit depression hit me HARD and I found it almost impossible to take care of myself. I had no motivation and no energy and I had to be reminded by my parents to do simple things like eat and shower and brush my teeth. I'm a bit better at the moment, but it always comes in waves so I'm afraid it will happen again soon. I didn't particularly speak my mind as much as I wanted, but actually I was a lot more honest with people and I actually started going to therapy and that is helpful. I feel at ease knowing I can talk to someone who isn't actually part of my personal life that way they aren't biased and they are actually a professional. So, that was a step in the right direction and I'm proud of myself, but I now need to work on using what I learn.

With all that said, here are my goals for 2017.

1.  Do the things that I love: Due to being wildly depressed the past year, I stopped doing things that I enjoy. I stopped watching YouTube religiously. I stopped painting my nails. I stopped doodling. I stopped taking a million photos of the clouds in the sky. I stopped doing my makeup. I want to find the small joys in life again despite how I'm feeling because even if I'm feeling down in the moment I know that these things will make me happier; I just need to get passed the barrier I've set up for myself.
2. Be completely honest: Kind of like last year, but no more hiding things. I want to be honest about my feelings, my opinions, my morals, my personality and what's happening in my life. I believe that every person is unique and deserves to have a voice that is heard and should be able to share their true selves no matter who they are or what they have to say. As long as you are not hurting others, you have every right to be heard. I need to start believing this for myself as well.
3. Update my blog: Yeah I know I always want to do this, but I'm sad I stopped. Even if I'm not posting about nails, I want to use this blog more. That's one of the reasons I moved my blog from Wordpress,so I might as well do whatever I want because this is...my blog lol.
4. Fix my eating habits for real: My eating is complete crap. Partly due to depression, partly due to me hating the way I look and liking how fast I lost weight by not eating and I want to stop this. I know it isn't good what I've been doing and I know that's another reason I'm always tired and in pain. I eventually want to be vegan and I will never be able to do that if I'm not even being a proper vegetarian.

I know none of these goals will be easy to accomplish. I will have to fight a lot, but I really want to try. I want to try and be my best self again. I want to be happy and motivated again. I know the world sucks right now, but I have hope for the future even when I'm constantly wishing for death. I wish you all the best in 2017.