a duo of depression slam poems

-wrote these when i was crazy depressed lol-

I'm afraid I'm becoming too distant.

I'm not the only person in your life, but you're the only one in mine.

You shine like the North Star but I.

am a black hole that collects every negative feeling,

every frightened burst of energy, every tear falling, every sad dream It's dark.

where I am and I can't find you even though you're screaming at me that you're right in front of me just one step further you can make it but I fall.

I fall anyway,

I fall into a pit below me and I stay there.

And instead of climbing up the wall I grab a shovel and dig myself deeper where else is there to go?

I am not strong enough to force my way up.

I am not wise enough to fabricate a plan of escape.

Your light grows smaller as I keep digging until suddenly I can not see you anymore.

And you cry for me, but only for a while because life will go on anyway,

A few million years left before your star decays and I.

I am gone and I plan no return.

Thank you for believing in me.

Where am I?

Am I in my house?

Am I at my school?

In a car, in a bus, in my bed crying because no.

I'm not here.

I'm not there.

I'm floating in a dark cloud of black smoke and I can't see where I'm going.

A tiny light shines through that smoke and there I am.

But I thought that I was... here... why am I there too?

Who is controlling you?

I mean me... maybe. I just don't know anymore.

Nothing is right. Nothing is real,

I don't feel. I'm just sitting.

In a self driving car, skidding.

Along on the road in the fog not living.

Just moving.

Uncontrollably.

To places I'm supposed to be.

But I never quite make it.

Where am I?

I'm not at home. I'm not at school.

I'm not...

I'm not.

I don't know where I've gone.

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•rachel•

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